The Cadillac Escalade has become an aspirational item thanks to the wonders of MTV, Hollywood, and our very own paragon of virtue, the English professional footballer. Taking the car's looks into account, that really is quite an achievement, and has done far more for sales than the brand's marketers could have managed on their own.
Its status is all the more astonishing because the Escalade really is a woeful piece of engineering, and has seemed a big, ugly fish out of water since it beached on this side of the pond. As with many American imports, it's far too big for our roads and parking spaces. It's also too much of a blunt instrument, and costs more to fill than the QM2, although servicing costs aren't bad for its class.
Apart from the car's angular, crosshatched nose, which apes the CTS saloon, it has a bland look that doesn't even seem distinctly Cadillac-like. Cabin materials have a naff, budget feel, and to add to rap wannabes' woes, the Escalade will only be available as a left-hooker. Room for your entourage is surprisingly limited for such an enormous vehicle, especially on the rear bench, which is especially awkward to access. You'll also need to replace the stereo if you want to access British FM stations.
Searching for positives, the 6.2-litre V8 engine is strong and gives the lumpy Escalade respectable pace, reaching 60mph from a standing start in less than 7sec. That's about it. The ride is hideously under-damped and suffers massively from the giant alloys, the wallowing chassis lurches around corners, and the steering has less feel than a stick-on Fisher Price wheel.
If there were a prize for the car least suited to our roads, the Escalade would win at a canter. The large SUV market offers plenty of other choices, any of which would be better than this.